We reached the end of another year and that means it is time look back at the year and pick what films I liked the most and what films I hope I never have to see again. As per tradition, we shall start with the worst films. This year there were a plenty, so many in fact I could have written an alternative Worst list. However, I have done the challenging work and narrowed it down to just 10 (ok it is 11, sue me!). These were the films that really stuck with you, their awful stench following me around days after I had left their rotten corpses in the movie theater. So, from worst to bottom of the barrel awful, here is my list of the Worst movies of 2017.
10. The Dark Tower
Stephan King adaptations got an all time classic (not to me but it is well loved) with IT. However, before that, we got this god awful, long awaited adaptation of the first book in his Dark Tower books. Not even great actors like Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba could save this screenplay from collapsing.
9. Sandy Wexler
Adam Sandler is still hiding in Netflix land, hoping that film critics will not find his latest attempts at comedy. No such look Sandler! All Netflix does is let Sandler make his unbearable films 2 plus hours long. A great comedy is to long at the time, just imagine how tortuous one of Sandler’s film is at that length. Point in case a late scene with Sandler and Kevin James in a board room meeting. Offensive and beyond stupid!
8. The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature
Oh, how I missed you Katherine Heigl! She missed a spot on my worst last year because she didn’t have a film. Well she reappeared in 2017, once again lending her voice, to these horrible, cheaply animated films from Toon Box. Somehow, this sequel was worse than the terrible original. Unfunny, uninspiring and unbearable.
7. The Book of Henry
I was going to leave this film off my list and take down another film based on children instead. Then I kept thinking back to the laugh out loud awful, cliched plot points, in this film and the way it tries to suck the tears right out of your face and I couldn’t let this slide. A story about a brilliant child, who dies and leaves a detailed plot for his mother to kill the abusive, step dad living next door. Yikes.
Katherine! Here she is again, making up for lost time last year, with her second appearance on this year’s list. This time she stared in a wannabe thriller, that has more laughs than the two comedies already listed here. This is your yearly entry in the crazy ex-wife, goes psycho movie plot, that I usually avoid even mentioning here. What made this one stands out, besides its star, was a scene were Heigl literally plays with herself while on the computer, in a scene that made me laugh so hard I cried. Great to see you still making movies with strong female leads Heigl!
5. (tie) Baywatch and Jumanji
So, The Rock decided this was going to be his remake year. First, we got the horrible update of Baywatch, where the only laughs came from the fact that this movie took this plot about life guards, who think they are cops, seriously. Then in the Holiday season, we got Rock’s tribute to the late Robin Williams, remaking his already awful jungle romp. Turing the board game inspired original, into a video game themed sequel. Problem is the movie plays like the worst game you have ever played. Nice try Dwayne, better luck next year.
4. All Eyez On Me
How the hell do you take one of the most fascinating and complex figures, in pop culture and make a lazy, boring, headline ripping, bio picture that has zero substance. This is one of the worst bio pictures ever made, a complete failure that taught me nothing new about a figure whose life was meant for a movie. Pac deserves better than this trash.
3. The Snowman
In the Disaster Artist, James Franco stars in a film about the filming of one of the worst movies of all time. Perhaps, for a sequel he could make a film about the making of this complete disaster. How could so many talented people make a movie this awful? It is not just the hole filled and predictable plot that is the issue, this is a bad film from a film making stand point as well! Terrible cinematography, horrible editing, plot points that go no where (Val Kilmar what the hell are you doing in this film?) and laughable gross violence. This almost has to be seen to be believed.
2. Transformers: The Last Knight
If I can say one good thing about this 5th and almost worst Transformers films, is that the audiences finally stayed away from this trash. Michael Bay, easily the worst director in the world, puts out another mindless, CGI filled, overstuffed, piece of trash. This movie has no soul, not a creative bone in its body, it is just garbage made with a high price tag. Let’s hope The Last Knight is the last film in the Transformers series.
1. The Mummy
This is one of the worst movies ever made! This is the perfect example of everything wrong with the big budget Hollywood movies, being mass produced. Take A list talents like Russel Crowe and Tom Cruise, give it a massive budget, fill the film with god awful CGI, a plot that seemed like it was written by a 5-year-old and a villain that is about as scary as a unicorn. Example A, this should have been start of a new Hollywood franchise, that instead turned out to be one of the biggest turds in Hollywood history. This is trash of the highest order, a movie so god awful bad, it is hard to imagine anyone believing this was a good movie to release to the public. Audiences were wise to stay away and kill any ideas of making more junk like this. This is the movie that should be used to show everything that is wrong with Hollywood today. Easily the worst movie of the year.